If I Told You I Loved You, Would You Love Me Back?
by CaeruleaTigris
Summary: As Sirius falls through the veil he realizes his not-so-familial feelings towards his godson, Harry Potter. Is this the end of something that never began, or is there love after supposed death?
1. Prologue

Sirius Black had been in a lot of things in his life: Azkaban, debt, lust and familial love, just to name a few. But in his whole life, even before he was sent to Azkaban, he had never been in true, romantic love. Sure he'd had a few crushes every now and then, and he really thought he'd loved Marlene McKinnon, but after having to live with his happy memories being sucked out for 12 years, any spark that they might have had had long ago died.

And when he was finally freed from Azkaban he knew it would be a long time before his mind was cured of the hell that it had been put through, even with the help of mind healers if he could afford them.

For once in his life Sirius just wanted to live without fear.

When he'd been at Hogwarts that fear had been his parents. The Blacks were dangerous, and Sirius, being a Black himself, was one of the very few people who knew just how saturated their blood was with magic so dark it had turned many of his ancestors insane.

When he'd finished Hogwarts it had been Voldemort. He'd chosen to fight against the monster alongside his best friends, sure, but if his grandfather's stories of young Tom Riddle were true then his fear of the crazy bastard was completely logical.

When Voldemort had been smited by an infant Harry Potter, it wasn't so much a fear of someone and more of a fear of some_thing_. Fear itself. If he hadn't been the one experiencing it, it might have been poetic.

And when he'd finally escaped from hell - because that is what Sirius was convinced Azkaban really was - and finally told his godson the truth, it had been the fear of being caught by the Ministry, who would then sent him back to prison. He'd barely escaped with his remaining sanity, there was no way he'd be given the chance to escape a second time.

But he'd found safety and a weird, unconventional family in his godson, Harry Potter. The boy was so similar to his parents it was easy to feel as if he'd known him for years, but at the same time he was so different. All the troubles he had faced in his short life had shaped him into a man.

Perhaps that is the reason why Sirius didn't realize what he was feeling at first.

It started with the urge to write him more and more often, even if the boy didn't have time to reply to all his letters separately. When Harry arrived at Grimmuald this turned into lingering glances in the boy's direction and a desperate need to be around him at all possible times. But despite all these and several other signals Sirius was still hopelessly oblivious to his own feelings.

It wasn't until he was in the Department of Mysteries, being blown into the veil by his bastard of a cousin that he realized. Sirius didn't just love Harry, he was _in _love with him.


	2. The Veil

Harry ducked as an unknown but probably nasty spell narrowly missed his head. It was times like this when Harry felt the full force of his Gryffindor impulsivity, and one of the few times he actually regretted it. This whole situation was Harry's fault.

Harry dodged yet another spell sent his way before firing back a few of his own. Out of the corner of his eye Harry could see Sirius dueling with his cousin, Bellatrix. Slowly, still fighting with anyone who sent an offensive spell his way, Harry moved towards his godfather. He knew Sirius could hold his own against Bellatrix but after fearing for his safety for so long Harry wanted to make sure the man wasn't harmed in any way.

Harry sent a few offensive spells the witch's way while occasionally protecting himself with shield spells and minor curses. Sirius himself looked to be having the time of his life, casting several spells at his cousin that Harry knew were meant to maim or seriously injure.

Harry could feel himself growing more and more tired as the battle continued. Bellatrix, meanwhile, reminded Harry of a child on a sugar rush. Or a very sadistic psychopath high on an adrenaline high.

Sirius' sudden falter was unpredicted. A shock to both Harry and the man himself and an invaluable advantage to Bellatrix, who took the opportunity to cast a bright red spell at her opponent. The spell hit it's target directly, sending the man staggering backwards towards the archway whose presence dominated the large room.

Harry felt himself hold his breath, a look of horror on his face and his hand stretched outwards towards his falling godfather. In the background Harry could sense multiple duels halt. Witches and wizards, friends and foes noticed what was happening and stopped to watch with varying degrees of either horror or glee.

Harry didn't care. He was watching his last remaining family die in front of him. His godfather was going to fall through the thin veil that separated the living from the dead and there was nothing Harry could do to stop it. Harry barely heard himself yelling the man's name through his haze of panic and terror.

It was only when Sirius fell, arching gracefully through the smoke-like veil that Harry felt he could move his body once again. Harry moved swiftly towards the giant arc intending to do... something only to feel himself being held back by two inhumanly strong arms.

Harry twisted his head back to look pleadingly into the sorrowful amber eyes of the person restraining him.

"_Please._" Harry half-yelled, half-wisped with a desperate, wild look in his eye. He would not let another person slip through his fingers, definitely not his last proper family. He couldn't, not when it was his fault.

Another person was there, gently easing Remus' arms from where they were locked in a tight grip around his torso. Harry only had enough patience to send the person - Luna, his mind vaguely registered – a grateful glance before he practically threw himself through the archway, permanently severing any ties he had too the living and their world.

The last sounds Harry heard before everything went black were manic cackling, female sobbing and Remus' low whisper of "But he's already _gone_."


	3. The Aftermath

Harry groaned as he slowly woke. His head was pounding like he'd been in a fist fight with a giant and wherever he was was too damn bright.

A groan coming from beside him urged him further into consciousness and he turned onto his side in an attempt to block out some of the light. Instead, all he got was his glasses digging painfully into the side of his face.

He forced himself to slowly blink his eyes open, his pupils sluggishly adjusting to the brightness and revealing the sight of Sirius Black lying beside him on the hard ground. The sight of his godfather, passed out but breathing, next to him released a flood of memories and emotions so intense all Harry found he could do for several minutes was cling to the man's body and sob in relief.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Harry realised the consequences of his actions, his new status as deceased, but Harry was too happy to care. He had his godfather, his last family, the man who had quickly become one of his best friends, back and that was all that mattered.

When he came to his senses Harry noticed Sirius' wand a few feet away and upon further inspection was relived to find his own wand was also sitting quite close to where he'd been lying. He gripped its familiar handle and smiled when a rush of magic flowed down his arm and into his body, as if his wand was greeting him after a long period of disuse. He couldn't even be sure if his magic would work properly in this place if it really was the afterlife.

_Well,_ Harry thought, _no better time than the present_. Harry aimed his wand at Sirius. "_Enervate._"

Harry started to grow disappointed when after a minute the spell had still had no effect on the peacefully sleeping body lying in front of him. Harry huffed in frustration and sat back. What good would having a wand in the afterlife if he couldn't use it?

Harry closed his eyes, took a deep breath, concentrated on what he wanted the spell to do and tried again. "**_Enervate._**"

This time the spell was so effective that Harry had to leap backwards to avoid being head butted by the now very awake Sirius Black. Harry grinned at his godfather who was by then looking reasonably shocked to find his godson with him in what he was fairly certain was the afterlife.

"Harry," Sirius started, "Why are you-" Harry cut Sirius off by leaping at him, tackling him back down to the ground with what could have been called a hug.

"I thought I'd lost you." Harry whispered after a moment. Sirius sighed and hugged back.

"Harry," he tried again, "Where are we?" Harry pulled back and looked around in confusion.

"I don't know. Somewhere in the afterlife, I guess." Harry stood, offering his hand to Sirius to help him do the same.

"Then why are you here? Did you get cursed?" Harry shook his head looking distinctly nervous. Once again his actions were catching up to him. He didn't regret his decision for a second but he hesitated to tell his godfather, not knowing how the man would react to Harry basically committing suicide for him.

"Tell me, Harry." Sirius demanded softly. Harry looked down, the ground was looking a whole lot more interesting all of a sudden.

"I followed you through the veil." Harry looked up into the older man's eyes, trying to convey some of the emotions that he'd been feeling.

"Harry…" Sirius was at a loss for words. What did someone say in a situation like this? "Why?"

"You're my family. The last of my family. I love Ron and Hermione but they have their own families, you're all I've got." Sirius could see Harry's eyes were damp with tears, mirroring his own eyes. Sirius gathered Harry into his arms and buried his face into the boy's neck, inhaling his scent, as Harry sobbed into his chest for the second time. Both of them just happy to be together.

Luna used to think it a pain that she was so different from others, it made it terribly difficult to make friends. That's why she found it such a comfort to be around creatures like thestrals. They understood what it was like to be different in such a conformist society. Both Luna and her Pegasus-like friends had been born different and neither were ashamed.

Harry Potter tended to remind Luna of thestrals. It was easy to see the similarities if one only looked past Harry's Boy-Who-Lived façade. Both were creatures of darkness. Both could only be seen by someone who had personally experienced death.

Luna had gotten quite a lot of hate from people once the shock had worn off. She was the one who had let their only hope at survival die! For most of these people all she felt was pity. Pity that someone could be so blind as to think that an inexperienced teenager could do what fully trained warriors could not and defeat a man thrice his age with ten times the spell knowledge.

Even she did not fully know why she had helped Harry escape from Remus hold. Her only reason was intuition. An intuition that perhaps the afterlife would serve Harry better than the one he had been living. It wasn't like she had missed how beloved Sirius was to Harry and vice versa. They could find happiness together if they persisted, Luna was sure.

Perhaps there was some truth to her mother's tales of seer blood flowing through the Lovegood family's veins.

Harry and Sirius stayed exactly as they were for more than an hour. They only pulled away from each other at an unexpected cough coming from somewhere else in the room. A creature stood a few metres away looking uncomfortable at the display of earthly affection.

The thing would look completely human if not for the two large, twisted horns originating from the side of its head and its bright purple eyes.

It observed the two wizards carefully, making them squirm slightly under the unwavering, unblinking gaze. Sirius opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted when the creature spoke first.

"I see you are already aware of your new status. Please follow me." The creature turned gracefully and glided over to and through the wall. It seemed wizards were not the only ones to have figured that little trick out. Harry and Sirius scrambled to their feet feeling a rather urgent need to get out of the cramped, claustrophobic room. Harry flinched as he walked through the wall, unpleasant memories of his second year coming to mind.

They appeared in a narrow stone hallway. Their eyes strained to see in the poor light, the only illumination coming from small torches attached to the walls at irregular intervals. The creature, however, seemed to have no problem. His stride was fast, confident in the direction they were heading.

"Normal souls would be immediately transported to the sorting hall when they depart from their bodies. Imagine our surprise when we sensed two unsorted souls hiding away deep in the depths of the dungeons." The thing paused and walked through another wall. When the two wizards followed him he continued his one-sided conversation.

"The king wishes to meet you. Things like this have happened a few times before but these are even more unusual circumstances.

They walked in silence through more long, twisting and turning passageways until, finally, they came to an actual door. Through the door they went, into an intricately decorated waiting room. The chairs were a golden colour with plush purple seats, a small table in the centre of the room held two very dead looking roses in a glass vase.

"Please sit. His majesty will receive you in just a moment." The creature left through a pair of ornately carved doors into what the two wizards could only guess was the way to wherever this "King" was.

"Sirius, what's going to happen?" Harry's voice shook with nervousness for once showing the young boy inside of him that was never previously able to be expressed. Sirius shook his head and grasped Harry's hand tightly in his own. There was nothing to say. Harry squeezed his hand once more and closed his eyes as he leant back on the comfortable chairs in a struggle to relax.

"The king will see you now."


	4. The Greater Good

Dumbledore sat patiently infront of a very panicked Order of the Phoenix. It had been more than a week since their last hope to defeat Voldemort had quite literally fallen into the afterlife and the feeling of being royally screwed had quickly descended onto the Wizarding World and it's leaders.

"I have gathered you all here today to tell you of great news." He paused to let the suspense build. "I have been speaking to one of my contacts within the Department of Mysteries who says they may have found a way to get Harry back. Alive."

The whole room sat in hopeful shock. Their first thoughts were of disbelief; no one got out of the veil. Not even peoples' dead bodies were recovered. No mortal magic could bring people back from the dead. Especially if they had no body for their soul to return to.

"There is one thing that may be confronting to some among you. It is a ritual of the old magic, therefore it will require a sacrifice. A muggle sacrifice." Expressions of horror spread throughout the Order. What was Dumbledore thinking? That would be going against everything most of them stood for. They were supposed to be protecting people from Voldemort.

"You want us to use dark magic?" Mrs Weasley sounded faint even considering it. "The thing we're fighting against?"

Dumbledore sighed. "I will not force any of you to participate in the ritual but the more people there are, the more powerful it will be. I don't want to do it, and I don't want for you all to do it, but it is for the greater good. There is no other way."

"There must be!" Hermione cried. She wanted Harry back more than anyone else but that didn't mean she wanted to participate in the killing of an innocent human being.

"There is not, Miss Granger, and even if there is we don't have the time to find it. I'm truly sorry."

"Well, I'm not about to let underage wizards commit such a heinous act." Mrs Weasley spoke in her most authoritarian voice. "Ron, Ginny, Hermione, please leave the room."

Ron looked for a moment as if he wanted to protest but Hermione dragged him out of the room before he had the chance. Ginny followed reluctantly behind.

"Is there anyone else who wishes to leave?" Dumbledore asked the rest of the people still seated around the table. Several of them looked wary or disappointed in themselves but no one else left the room. "No? Good. The optimal time to do this ritual would be October 31st but we do not have the luxury, so the next full moon will have to do. Fortunately, the next full moon will be a Super Full Moon, which will give the ritual an extra boost of power. We will be performing the ritual in five days, on Monday, next week. Until then, be careful to use as little magic as possible. You will need your strength."

Dumbledore took a moment to look around the room at his Order. It was a great favour he was asking of them; to take part in such a ritual could have them thrown in Azkaban, to take part in such a ritual could get their souls on a dementor's dinner plate.

He would regret having to kill a perfectly healthy muggle but one life was a low price compared to the millions Voldemort and his Death Eaters would kill if they managed to take over.

_It's for the greater good._


	5. The King

The underworld was an annoyingly busy place. Souls of all sorts rushing everywhere, causing mayhem and problems for his demons.

And just now he'd received news of an incident to do with one of his veils, a back door into Hell. He'd originally created them for demons who'd got lost in the world of the living while running errands but sometime in the last couple of millennia his wizards had gotten a hold of one of them.

They didn't actually use it that often, and when they did it was for wizards and witches who would've had their souls sucked into the afterlife either way. At least with the veil the souls are still... alive. Dementors tended to suck the energy from a soul and by the time the dementor allowed the soul to move along all that was left was a husk. No lifelike attributes to speak of.

But the news had just reached him that two very interesting, very valuable souls had found their way into his realm several decades before their time.

This had happened before, of course. Wizards were attracted to the veil. It quite literally called to them, especially if they'd previously witnessed death. Some souls just didn't want to stay in the afterlife.

"The souls are in the waiting room, your majesty. What would you like me to do with them?"

The king stared into his servant's vibrant purple eyes and searched through his mind. The demon helpfully supplied an image of a teenage boy clinging to a middle aged man, both of them human and with clear, unrestrained fear on their faces.

"Bring them in to me, then leave."

The demon bowed deeply and backed out of the room.

Harry and Sirius followed as the creature walked back through the same doorway he entered.

On the other side was a small room not unlike a muggle elevator. The walls were made purely of glass, which gave the people inside a brilliant view of the bustling underground metropolis below.

"Hold on," said the creature, making no move to do so himself.

"To what?" Sirius asked suspiciously. The creature just smiled deviously and placed his six fingered hand flat on the wall.

The room detached itself from the wall and sped above the huge gothic style buildings that occupied the city, barely avoiding the stalactites hanging from the roof of the massive cave. Two out of the three occupants of the room immediately flew into the back wall. Just when they were starting to find their feet again the room dropped, as if the strings holding it had snapped, and they went flying into the roof.

Harry seriously thought that if they weren't already dead, they sure as hell would be when this ride was over.

There was a loud ding as the room slid to a smooth stop just below a large set of stairs. Harry and Sirius laid there motionless for a moment as they regained their bearings. The creature stepped calmly over them and stood just outside the room patiently and with a small smirk.

"When you are ready you are to go to the door, bow, walk up the stairs, bow and don't look at or above the king's face. I will announce you and you will not speak unless spoken to. Do you understand?"

A deep groan originated from one of the twisted bodies, "Argh hu."

Harry was the first to drag himself from his twisted position on the floor and once he had regained his bearings he helped his godfather do the same.

Harry did all he could to keep himself from staring around the cave like an idiot. It was simultaneously the most beautiful and the most horrifying sight he had ever seen in his life. There were masses of people milling around the underground metropolis, only most of them weren't people.

There were half-human, half-animal creatures almost like centaurs but obviously bred for war, mangled bodies walking around as if they were in perfect health, scaled insectoids. Pretty much everything you could possibly imagine and more.

Once again he was wondering where the hell he was.

From outside the veil, it seemed as if what was beyond was an endless void filled only with the moans of lonely, tortured souls. But that was obviously not where he was. Was he even in the same universe, the same dimension?

Sirius looked to be in a similar state of mind.

The crowd parted effortlessly before them, a few of the other creatures even stared at them curiously. It was almost like a larger version of the MoM.

Harry unconsciously grabbed Sirius' hand for support. Despite his exposure to it over the years he never really had gotten completely used to all the attention he attracted and his unusual situation made his anxiety ten times worse.

The door that the creature lead them to was guarded by two other impeccably dressed creatures. Remembering the earlier instructions Sirius and Harry bowed deeply. The guards looked the three up and down, inspecting them carefully. The one on the left said something in a strange language before leaning back and pushing the doors open.

The stairs themselves were unassumingly plain and not particularly fancy but the sheer amount of them was stunning. Less than half way up Harry felt as his muscles began to protest their overuse. Sirius was in a similar condition next to him, panting in similar way to his animagus form.

When they finally reached the top, however, Harry and Sirius found there was no longer any need for breath. Before them sat a creature of ungodly beauty. Their guide had said not to look directly at what must have been the king but they had no choice. There was no words in any human language that could be used to describe the soul deep attraction they had to the figure sitting in front of them on a throne made of pure gold.

Gold that perfectly matched the long hair flowing from the creature's head. Black was too light a colour to describe the deep space darkness of the creature's three pairs of wings. It's eyes were more shades of blue and grey than the sky and the sea put together could only hope to produce.

The wizards' knees gave out beneath them, two resounding thuds echoing through the almost empty room.

"Harry James Potter and Sirius Orion Black, my lord."

"Thank you. You may leave, I wish this to be a private audience." The guard looked questioning for a moment but obviously not wanting to upset such a powerful creature he obeyed his orders and slowly backed out of the room.

"Stand, you have no reason to be on your knees infront of me." It chuckled and said with a positively sinful smile "unless you want to, of course." Harry shivered as the creature looked directly at him. Sirius saw the interaction and was overwhelmed with possessive jealously.

A deep warning growl forced itself from from the man's throat. His human side felt stupid for questioning the creature's power but his animal side recognised the flirtation as a challenge. Someone was trying to take something that he'd already claimed for himself and after spending so much more time in his dog form than his human form Sirius had no hope of controlling his baser instincts.

"Hmm, it looks like I have competition, my dear wizard." Harry blushed at the attention, although he mistook Sirius' growl to be that of godfatherly protection and not for what it truly was.

"Nevermind, you must both be exhausted. And I'm sorry to say that since you are both still in possession of your human bodies there is a certain amount of maintenance that still has to be completed daily. We will continue this conversation tomorrow. Nasih will take you too your rooms for the night."

The king waved his hand and Harry and Sirius felt a gush of wind before gently falling to the floor in a dead faint.


	6. The Ritual

The full moon shone, large and bright, above the Order's heads as they chanted loudly and clearly, their voices never faulting or becoming out of time with each other. There was a muggle woman cowering in the middle of their neatly drawn pentagram. Tears dripped steadily down her terrified face, messing up her make-up and leaving glistening trails down her cheeks.

Dumbledore had commanded those who could stomach the task to find a healthy muggle, but one one that no one would miss. The woman in front of them was a prostitute, one of the lowest echelons of muggle society, yet knowing that fact did nothing to lessen their guilt. They were supposed to be the good guys yet here they were sacrificing a muggle like one of You-Know-Who's minions.

"For thou who sleeps in stone and clay, heed this call, rise up and obey, trek on through the mortal door, assemble flesh and walk once more," they all chanted over and over. There was a definite sense of magic in the air and it raised the hair on their arms and on the back of their necks. What they were doing was some dark and powerful magic, indeed. It was obvious to all involved as to how dark wizards became addicted, the power was electrifying. They had to be careful or they would have no chance but to give in to its allure.

A strong wind had picked up since they'd started the ritual. It was so strong that many of them felt as if it would have easily blown them all away if they weren't practically rooted to the ground by their magic. Their chanting grew louder as they struggled to hear themselves over the wind.

The prostitute convulsed wildly as inhuman screams left her already raw throat. She tossed her head violently back and forth and slammed her limbs onto the ground hard enough to break bone. The torture went on for several minutes and just when some of the Order members thought they were going to lose their dinners it stopped. She gave in to the magic and twisted her head as far as she could to the right. It was a great relief to everyone to hear a sharp crack ring out, ending the woman's suffering and their ritual in one go.

Immediately the wind disappeared and the candles that had somehow managed to maintain their flame throughout the gale force winds extinguished themselves. The Order members – even Dumbledore - collapsed into a heap and gasped for air. A few of the more junior members, unused to using so much magic at once, fainted.

Once the adrenaline started to wear off and the magnitude of what they had just done hit them there was very few who were able to hold in their emotions. Molly sobbed into Arthur's chest as she tried to comfort her eldest sons, who despite all of her pleading had chosen to participate. It seemed to hit Remus especially hard because the man was also very close to sobbing, half in sorrow and half in hope that he would get to see his honorary godson again. Even Snape who had participated in many dark rituals in his time looked disturbed.

Eventually, one by one, people started disapparating, using the last of their magic reserves to transport both themselves and their downed peers away from the scene, away from the reminder of what they'd just done.

Severus and Dumbledore stayed behind.

"Do you think it worked, Headmaster? Do you think the brat is going to come back from the dead?" There wasn't any heat behind Snape's insult. The man was tired of hating people who were too dead to care.

"Perhaps, perhaps not. We shall have to see."

"Perhaps? Exactly how sure were you that this would work?" The outrage was clear in Snape's voice. It never ceased to amaze him just how similar to a dark lord Dumbledore could act at times. The man was cunning, too cunning. If not for reckless stunts like this one he'd say that the man should have been placed in Slytherin.

"As sure as I needed to be. There aren't many ways to bring people back to life, you should know that, Severus. I did what needed to be done and if it does not work then we shall try something else. No one but Harry can defeat Voldemort now." The dismissal was clear in the old man's voice and Snape, not wanting to argue for any longer, apparated home.

Dumbledore took one last look at the ritual space and the woman's wrecked corpse and banished it all, apparating back to Hogwarts with as clear a conscious as the old man would ever have.


	7. Author's Note

AN: in an attempt to curb my writer's block for this story and also just because what I posted here are literally my first drafts I've decided to re-write this story. For some inexplicable reason I've found myself incapable of writing the next chapter and I'm hoping that rewriting the story and doing a bit more extensive planning for the plot will do something for me. I'll be keeping the first draft but once I've started uploading the rewritten chapters I'll put the whole first draft into one chapter and post it probably at the start of the story. I've been thinking about this for quite a while and I feel like I'm cheating you guys by just not uploading. I'm stressing myself out about it, too, so I feel like it's the best to do. Just know that this story is NOT ABANDONED and there should be things happening with it soon.


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